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1. Thou shalt have no white light before thee, behind thee, or to the side of thee whilst sharing the night sky with thy fellow stargazers.

2. Thou shalt not love thy telescope more than thy spouse or thy children; as much as, maybe, but not more.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's telescope, unless it exceeds in aperture or electronics twice that of thy wildest dreams.

4. Thou shalt not read "Astronomy" or "Sky & Telescope" on company time, for thine employer makes it possible to continue thine astronomical hobby.read more ...

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.

His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.

So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
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One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
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One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had 
written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the 
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and 
began her class. 
The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word 
'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the 
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. 
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TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, 
what would I have? 
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!